Saturday, May 11, 2013

For Mother's Day: Honoring Your Mother

Note: The following is a basic teaching outline for a Mother's Day message. I hope the blog's readers find it helpful.

Perhaps one of the single greatest examples of a man's honoring of his mother can be found in the account of Solomon honoring his mother:
NKJ 1 Kings 2:19 Bathsheba therefore went to King Solomon, to speak to him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her and bowed down to her, and sat down on his throne and had a throne set for the king's mother; so she sat at his right hand.
The Fifth Commandment's admonition to each one of us is, “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12a, italics mine), and King Solomon obviously honored his mother a great deal! Yet bowing before her and seating her on a throne would have meant little or nothing if he did not honor her the rest of the time and in other ways. But in what other ways did he honor his mother? Exactly how did he honor her the rest of the time? We don't have to wonder too much about this, since the Holy Spirit who gave Him such great wisdom also inspired him to write some of it down. For this reason, I want us to take a look this morning at the Proverbs of Solomon to better learn from our departed brother – one of the two wisest men who ever lived – Jesus was the wisest! – what it means to honor our mothers.
NKJ Proverbs 1:7-9 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8 My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck.
The first thing to notice about Solomon's statement in verse 8 is that it includes the mother alongside the father as the teacher of godly wisdom. Such a prominent place for the role of the mother – or women in general – was unique in ancient times.

In his commentary on Proverbs, Derek Kidner speaks of “the fully personal bond taken to exist between husband and wife. The two share the children's training and are assumed to speak with one voice … This is a far cry from the not uncommon ancient idea of a wife as chattel and childbearer but no companion” (TOTC, Vol. 15, p.49-50).

Or as David Hubbard writes, That both parents are mentioned is a tribute to the prominent role of Israel's mothers. We find no similar references to mother as teacher in Babylonian or Egyptian wisdom literature (The Communicator's Commentary, Vol. 15A, p.49).

But the mother is clearly referred to in this passage as a teacher. For, when Solomon says, “do not forsake the law of your mother,” it is in parallel with the father's “instruction,” and in the context he must mean by the phrase law of your mother the law of God as taught by your mother. Solomon assumes that the mother has learned the wisdom that comes from the fear of the LORD which leads her to submit to the instruction of His Word. It is this same fear and instruction that she then passes on to her child. In this context, then, to honor your mother means to place great value on the things of God that she seeks to share with you and to listen to what she says. It means to recognize her as God's mouthpiece in your life.

Now, not all of us have mothers who know the Lord, but that doesn't mean we cannot seek to honor them for whatever good things they may have to tell us. Even if we may have to look closely to find such things, we should seek them out and then honor our mothers for having the wisdom to share them with us. And we should thank them for whatever good things they may have taught us. And even more importantly, we should thank God for anything good that has come from our mothers.
NKJ Proverbs 4:3-4 When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother 4 He also taught me, and said to me: Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live.
Solomon refers to himself here in two ways. First, he remembers having been tender when he was little. The Hebrew word is רַךְ [raḵ], which refers to the “quality of being soft, weak, [or] tender” (Holladay #7894, BibleWorks). So apparently Solomon was pretty frail as a boy, or at least he is referring to a time in his childhood – probably his early childhood – when he was particularly weak. But his memory of that time is a good memory, because as far back as he can remember his father and mother were teaching him the way of life. And he remembers especially the way his mother treated him.

This leads to the second way in which Solomon refers to himself here, and it is striking. Notice how he says that he was the only one in the sight of his mother, who we know was Bathsheba. But we also know that Bathsheba would have had at least some love and high regard for David, Solomon's father. And we also know that David and Bathsheba had three other sons, as 1 Chronicles tells us:

NKJ 1 Chronicles 3:5 And these were born to him [David] in Jerusalem: Shimea, Shobab, Nathan, and Solomon -- four by Bathshua [Bathsheba, 2 Sam. 11:3] the daughter of Ammiel [Eliam, 2 Sam. 11:3].

So how is it that, when reflecting back on the earliest days of his childhood that he can remember, Solomon says that he was the only one in the sight of his mother? Well, perhaps he was treated in a special way because of his frailty, and he remembers with fondness the special care his mother gave him. Or perhaps she just had a way of always making him feel special. Whatever the precise meaning he has in mind, one thing is certain: Solomon never forgot how special he was in the eyes of his mother. And he never forgot how caring she had been to him. No wonder he treated her with such honor later when he became the king. He knew that he owed a great deal to her!

This is why celebrating Mother's day is such a good idea. It hopefully gives us a chance to think back on even the earliest memories we have of our mothers, to remember them with fondness and to appreciate anew the role they have played in our lives.
NKJ Proverbs 6:20-22 My son, keep your father's command, and do not forsake the law of your mother. 21 Bind them continually upon your heart; tie them around your neck. 22 When you roam, they will lead you; when you sleep, they will keep you; and when you awake, they will speak with you.
Here again we have an admonition not to forsake the law of your mother.” But the idea here is emphasized by the reference to her godly teaching as something to be continually bound in your heart and tied, as it were, around your neck. This means that we should keep constantly in mind the things that our mothers have taught us. If we do this, we are told, then wherever we go and whatever we do, our mother's teaching will guide us.

You might say, based on this verse, that in a sense every day ought to be a Mother's Day! Is there any better way to honor your mother?
NKJ Proverbs 10:1 The Proverbs of Solomon: A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is the grief of his mother.
It is not hard to see what we can learn from this proverb about honoring our mothers. All we have to do is avoid the kind of foolishness that will cause them grief.

But it is important to remember that terms like “wise” and “foolish” are primarily moral rather than intellectual terms. Thus, a wise person is a person who has spiritual understanding, and a foolish person is one who is spiritually daft. What Solomon has in mind here is that we should avoid bringing grief to our mothers by living in ungodly ways and making bad moral decisions.

Of course, he again assumes that one has a godly mother who will care about such things in the first place. And not all of us have been blessed with such a godly mother. But that doesn't mean we can't find a way to apply this proverb. For example, my mother did not know the Lord when I was growing up, and I still don't know that she is a believer. But I have often found comfort in a teaching of Jesus, in which He promises that He will give His disciples other people in the Church to replace their lost parents:

NKJ Mark 10:28-30 Then Peter began to say to Him, See, we have left all and followed You. 29 So Jesus answered and said, Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, 30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time -- houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions -- and in the age to come, eternal life.”

I can testify that Jesus has indeed given me a number of women over the years who have been like spiritual mothers to me. So, for example, I might want to avoid behaving in any way that I know would bring grief to Eunice Campbell, an older woman who – along with her husband Irvin – had a formative influence on me when I was a young Christian. Or, for a more recent example, I can tell you that I would never want to exhibit the king of foolishness that would grieve Lena Drye or Diane Luhn [the wives of my fellow elders, George Drye and Dennis Luhn, all of whom are old enough to be my parents].

You see, even though some of us do not have a godly mother to honor in this way, God has still given us spiritual mothers to honor. But, as I pointed out earlier, we can still also try to honor our own biological mothers in this way to the degree that they wish truly good and honorable things for us.
NKJ Proverbs 15:20 A wise son makes a father glad, but a foolish man despises his mother.
This proverb is much like the last one, but it states things in a bit stronger way. For here Solomon says that a foolish son that grieves his mother acts as though he hates her! To reject her godly counsel and to live in a way that brings her continual grief is hateful and does not honor her! Conversely, then, to follow the wisdom she seeks to instill from God's Word is to show her love and to honor her as God desires.

I wonder how many men, women, and children claim to love their mothers but act as though they really hate them because they constantly reject what they have been taught by them. Young people and children, don't be deceived by such hypocrisy. To continually disobey your mother is to act as though you despise her. If you want to honor her as God tells you to, then you will want to obey her.

Remember that the Apostle Paul stresses that obedience is the primary thing that God had in mind when He gave the 5th Commandment:

NKJ Ephesians 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise ….

One of the chief ways we honor our mothers is by obeying what they have taught us. And this means that we will live by what they have taught us for the rest of our lives, even when we are no longer living with them under their direct authority.
NKJ Proverbs 19:26 He who mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach.
David Hubbard sums up this proverb nicely when he writes:

Mistreats” suggests violence, even destruction. “Chases away,” literally “causes to flee,” pictures a son old enough and strong enough to commandeer the parents' household and physically eject them. The New Testament son took his share and played the fool by abandoning his family and squandering his resources (Luke 15). This Old Testament fool is much more to be censured; he has confiscated his parents holdings and cruelly sent them packing. Their inward pain is amplified by horrible “shame” and “reproach” (see 27:11), since the whole affair has been placarded in their community. (The Communicator's Commentary, Vol. 15A, p.258)

Granted, this is an extreme case of dishonoring one's mother, although such things do still happen. But there are other more subtle ways in which one's mother can be chased away. As John Gill observes, it may just involve that fact that, through his foolish and sinful behavior, the son “causeth her to avoid and abhor his presence and society” (Exposition of the Whole Bible, e-Sword).So, at the very least, we can each honor our mother by being the kind of person she really wants to be around.
NKJ Proverbs 20:20 Whoever curses his father or his mother, his lamp will be put out in deep darkness.
Today most people think of cursing as simply saying a bad word and thus may think that we should avoid swearing at our parents. Well, I definitely agree that we should avoid such disrespectful behavior. But this isn't really what the Old Testament idea of cursing involved. The concept has to be understood within the Old Testament context of covenant blessings and curses. David Hubbard is again helpful and quite correct when he asserts that, “'Cursing' implies the wish and the threat that all blessings be cut off, all mercy withdrawn, and all harm invoked upon them [the parents]” (The Communicator's Commentary, Vol. 15A, p.258).

No matter what his or her mother may have done, a Christian should never be so hateful as to wish her cut off from God! And the person who desires such a thing can be assured that it is he himself who will be judged by God, for this is what it means when the text says that his lamp will be put out in deep darkness.” It means that his own dark demise will one day come upon him.

But, conversely, to honor you mother would mean to wish wish her every blessing from God. And this is one of the very best things we can do to honor our mothers. It will involve telling them that we wish God's best for them, as well as praying that He will indeed bless them in every way.
NKJ Proverbs 23:22 Listen to your father who begot you, and do not despise your mother when she is old.
This proverb is easy enough to understand. The older your mother gets, the harder it may become to be around her, the more difficult it may become to take care of her, and the easier it may become to hate having her around. It will be easy to start thinking of her as hopelessly out of touch with the times and as having nothing good left to say. But, Solomon reminds us, to start to think this way is, in fact, hateful.

Conversely, to take an interest in what she has to say, to genuinely care about her point of view, is a good way to honor her.
NKJ Proverbs 23:24-25 The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, and let her who bore you rejoice.
This repeats some of the same concerns as a few of the proverbs we have already considered. If you want to honor your mother, then seek to make her life a joy because of the way you are living a wise and righteous life. This is one of the greatest joys a godly mother will ever receive from her children.
NKJ Proverbs 28:24 Whoever robs his father or his mother, and says, It is no transgression, the same is companion to a destroyer.
This proverb refers to the person who wastes his parents money and goods and thinks it is no problem. As David Hubbard observes:

The person who robs (or defrauds, 22:22) his parents may claim 'It is no transgression' (Heb. Pesha means “insubordination,” almost “mutiny”) by arguing that the money or the property will come to him anyway at the death of the mother or father. The wise rightly branded the argument as specious and pinpointed the viciously cruel conduct of one who broke faith with those who gave him life and burdened their later years with regrets about their son's behavior and anxiety about their means of sustenance. (The Communicator's Commentary, Vol. 15A, p.258)

Jesus addressed this same attitude and behavior in His confrontation with the Pharisees and scribes:

NKJ Mark 7:9-13 He said to them, All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition. 10 For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother'; and, 'He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.' 11 But you say, 'If a man says to his father or mother, Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban ”' -- (that is, a gift to God), 12 then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother, 13 making the word of God of no effect through your tradition which you have handed down. And many such things you do.”

So, if you want to honor your mother, then take care of her when she gets older and can no longer look after herself. And don't make excuses – however spiritual they may sound – for avoiding this responsibility.
NKJ Proverbs 29:15 The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
This proverb points out how good discipline is for a child. And it warns that a mother who doesn't want to discipline her child will not instill the wisdom she desires him or her to have. And – as a general rule – the child will just become a disappointment in the future.

But the converse is also true, namely that a well disciplined child will – as a general rule – be a source of pride to his mother rather than a source of shame. And this means that, if you want to honor your mothers, children, you will appreciate the discipline she administers to you, whether by way of the rod (spanking) or rebuke. I know it may sound crazy to you now, but it is God's will for you! And it is good for you!

Well, I hope I have given you all – no matter how young or old – plenty of food for thought today. I hope I have helped you to see from the wisdom of Solomon how you may better honor you mother on Mother's day … and every day. But remember that in doing so, it is really God that you seek to honor, for it is He Himself who has commanded you, “Honor your father and your mother(Exodus 20:12a, itlaics mine).

2 comments:

  1. The Holy Spirit is a comforter like good mothers are.

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    1. Yes, and you might like a Mother's Day teaching I posted back in 2009. It is called "For Mother's Day: How Motherhood Reflects the Character and Love of God" and may be found here:

      http://reformedbaptist.blogspot.com/2009/05/for-mothers-day-how-motherhood-reflects.html

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