10 Steps in Maintaining the Unity of the Spirit

Christian unity is a beautiful thing in the eyes of God. It is more than the absence of discord as it includes warm fellowship that is saturated with love and goodwill. “Behold,” David says, “how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity” (Ps. 133:2). There is nothing like collectively worshiping God with a unified in heart and mind – it is the closest thing to heaven on earth.

This unity is established by the fellowship that all God’s children have in Christ Jesus. The church is one body and is united by one Spirit. This unity is deeper than a shared interest, for it is rooted in the spiritual life that all of God’s people share in Christ Jesus.

But, sadly, not all churches experience such unity. Fractions, discord, and clicks can abound in churches. This is because of two things. One, as wheat and tares often grow together, there are often unbelievers mixed within the membership of the church. Without spiritual regeneration, there is no unity in the Spirit. Two, though Christians have a new nature and are untied to Christ and to each other, they still struggle with sin. Christians can be prideful, harsh, and hurtful. Wherever unforgiveness and pride reside, unity will have a difficult time thriving. Regardless, this means that sin is the cause of discord within the church.

But how do we battle discord? How do we battle sin? What are ways to foster unity in the church? Though not an exhaustive list, here are at least 10 things we can do to maintain the unity of the Spirit within our churches.

1. Understand that Maintaining Unity is Our Responsibility

Paul exhorts us “to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Eph. 4:1-3). Listed here are many of the traits needed for unity – humility, gentleness, patience, and love. The command is for us to utilize these traits in order to “maintain the unity of the Spirit.” This exhortation implies that unity cannot be taken for granted. Selfishness still exists within us all and sin will continue to occur within the church. This is why patience, forgiveness, and love are needed attributes for the saints. If there were no selfishness in the church, then there would be no need for forgiveness. Yet, long-suffering and forgiveness are required because the danger of discord and factions are ever present. We are all called to exhibit and display the fruit of the Spirit because we have been charged by God to do all we can to maintain the unity that has been established by the Spirit. If we disregard this charge, we are living in sin.

2. Understand that Causing Discord is a Sin

Strife and discord are easy to sow, but woe to those who plant such wicked seeds in God’s vineyard. God hates sin, and it is a sin – a great sin – to sow “discord among the brethren” (Pr. 6:19). That which divides God’s people and tears the unity of the church is a great sin indeed. If we are commanded to maintain unity, then we must realize that we sin against God when we initiate discord among the saints.

3. Love the Those Who are Difficult

Because they do not stack well, it is difficult to carry a bundle of crooked sticks. Yet, crooked sticks are easy to carry when bounded by a cord. The Puritan Thomas Watson reminds us that a group of Christians is similar to a pile of crooked sticks that are bound together by love. Our different personalities do not always mesh. Our flaws often rub people the wrong way. But, “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Pet. 4:8). Love is “the perfect bond of unity” (Col. 3:14). If we are going to be able to look past the personality flaws of others and maintain the unity of the Spirit, then love must prevail.

A critical spirit that easily finds fault and complains about the slightest disagreement is a symptom of pride and selfishness. Love thinks the best – it assumes people are innocent until proven guilty. It thinks no evil and rejoices not in wrongdoing. If we are to love others as we love ourselves, then we should seek to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the very best of them.

4. Do Not Allow Our Hearts to Pull Away from the Church

We must guard our hearts. Before discord erupts openly, usually it takes place inwardly. Once we become critical and unhappy with a few things – without properly dealing with our concerns – then we will begin looking for problems. But once we start looking for problems, the floodgates will open and we see offenses everywhere. We may not leave the church immediately, but our affections have already started to pull away from the congregation. Though we still attend bodily, our hearts have already exited. Where love and goodwill once ruled, a critical spirit – the saw of disunity – now rules. Slowly, we will start missing church functions increasingly until we remove ourselves altogether – causing a breach in the unity of the church.

We must remember that it is a sin to harbor animosity for a fellow church member without seeking reconciliation (Pr. 10:18). To be secretly offended without seeking to forgive will separate friendships and fracture the unity of the church. Thus, we must be careful to guard our hearts from all forms of resentment, envy, and pride. We must maintain a love for our brothers and never allow bitterness or contention to separate our affections from the people of God.

5. Redirect Gossip with Words of Grace

A critical spirit is contagious. It can spread quickly throughout the congregation. Subtle complaints, even when they are legitimate, often breed discontentment, and discontentment often spreads until it causes division within the church. “I wish the church was more friendly to visitors.” Or, “The church does not focus upon missions enough.” Though these may be proper concerns, these complaints can be mishandled and cause discord.

It often starts with a simple concern, but the concern soon turns into gossip. Rather than seeking to handle the problem in a biblical fashion, the problem is often communicated to others. Moreover, it is natural for us when we hear criticism to respond with our own criticism. “Well you are worried about missions; I am concerned about how business meetings are handled.” We become critical and our critical spirits influence others to be critical. Not only have we sinned in our own hearts, we have led others into this sin. We have ceased to promote unity but rather have shown seeds of discord among the saints.

It is not wrong to have concerns, but once we take pleasure in pointing out flaws and sharing these flaws with others, then we have failed to operate in love. We have spoken against our brothers and this is a transgression against God’s law (James 4:11). Minor concerns should be overlooked – for love covers such things. Yet, when concerns need to be addressed, they should be directed to only the people directly involved, in most cases to the leaders of the church. This should be done in the spirit of humility and with the desire to resolve the issue while strengthening the unity of the Spirit (Gal. 6:1).

A way to maintain unity when we hear others complain about the church (complaints that slander and devalue the name of individuals or the reputation of the church) is to redirect that criticism with words of grace. Paul commands us that we are to “let no corrupting talk come out of [our] mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29). This command is to be implemented in every situation. If our communication is not seeking to assist others in their walk with the Lord, then we must refrain from speaking until the Spirit and His Word retunes our hearts.

So, when we hear a person complaining, there is no need to tell that person that he is in danger of gossiping. We simply and gently need to redirect the conversation. One of the best ways to redirect gossip is by saying, “You are concerned about John Doe? We love John Doe. Have you addressed your concern with him? If not, I will be happy to go with you.” This usually does the trick. Regardless, the goal is to always respond in a way that seeks to reconcile and build up our precious brothers – not tear them down.

If we, however, enter into their gossip, we share in their guilt. It is our duty not only to seek to defend the honor of our brothers, but to assist others in refraining from slander. If gossip continues, it will surely bring much disunity within the body of Christ.

6. Identify Yourself with the Problems of the Church

To help guard our hearts from causing division by a critical spirit and by emotionally pulling away from the church we should identify ourselves with the problems of the church. If there are problems in the church (as there always are), then these problems are our problems. We have a responsibility to correct them. We all have sin in our lives, but this does not cause us to separate ourselves from ourselves. Not only is this impossible, but we love ourselves too much to give up on ourselves. We overlook our problems, or we deal with them. Yet, when it comes to church problems, it is too easy to separate ourselves from the rest of the church by saying, “The church does this, or the church does that.” We tend to separate ourselves from the problems in the church as if we are not united to the church body. We begin calling our church by its name and complain by saying, “Grace Baptist Church is not very friendly to visitors.” No pastor enjoys hearing members of the church say, “The church should do this, or the church is doing this wrong.” Rather, we should say, “We could do better at welcoming visitors.” Or, “Our church may need to think about how we can improve hospitality, and I am willing to help.” Identifying ourselves with the problems of the church is a helpful way of addressing a problem without potentially introducing a division within the congregation.

7. Fill in the Gaps

Once we identify ourselves with the problems of the church, the next thing we need to do is seek to strengthen the weaknesses of the church by filling in the gaps. The church may not be as welcoming as it needs to be, but our awareness of the problem should cause us to pick up the slack. Rather than finding fault with the church and building up a résumé of criticisms in our minds, we should seek to be an example of friendliness to all visitors. It is amazing that the person who complains the most of feeling unconnected is often the person who does the least in reaching out to others. If we see a need, then we should seek to fill that need. Our good example will likely influence others as well. We must remember that not all members are gifted alike. We should not expect that everyone would be as concerned about visitors as we are. Yet, no doubt, were we lack, others must help carry our load. If we are not seeking to bear the burdens of others and seeking to strengthen the weaknesses of the church, then we have no business complaining about those weaknesses.

8. Humble Yourself Before God

All these things, however, depend upon humility. While prideful people are never satisfied with others, the meek are amazed that they have friends at all. A true church consists of precious people – the children of God. They may have flaws, but they have Christ living within them. They love the Lord, and they are gifted in a unique way. The world is unworthy of such people. We are unworthy to be included in such a glorious assembly. We need to remain humble and remember this. It is by the grace of God and the grace of God alone that we are counted among God’s precious people. We should always remember that.

When Paul exhorted us to be of “the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (Phil. 2:2), he did so by displaying the humility of our Lord Jesus Christ. If the Lord is humble enough to accept us, to serve us, and to even die for us, how much more should we be willing to place the unity of the church above our own personal interests and concerns? Who are we to be too good for those whom Christ died?

9. Submit to Church Discipline

With all this said, a major objection remains. “Jeff, you don’t know my special situation.” “It is impossible to maintain unity under the circumstances that exist in my church; there are grievous sins and heretical teaching.” “What am I suppose to do? Am I to act as if nothing is wrong?” Even so, we are still to do all that we can to maintain the unity of the Spirit – we are never exempt from obeying this command. The way to maintain the unity of the Spirit in such circumstances, however, is by following through with church discipline. We are not to gossip or harbor a critical spirit, but privately seek to maintain fellowship with the body by following the instructions of Christ in Matthew 18. We must desire forgiveness and reconciliation. When there are grievous sins within the church, then we must humbly and lovingly address the issue(s) with only the people directly connected or involved in the situation. We must restrain from slander and gossip, and we must seek to restore those who have brought discord within the body to full unity. We must remember that the objective of church discipline is keeping peace and unity within the church body. We must be long-suffering and not strive with others. Everything must be done in humility and be motivated by love.

10. Do Your Best not to Leave a Church Upset

Yes, I know that people leave churches all the time and for the slightest reasons. No longer do Christians seek to maintain the unity the Spirit and work out their differences. Once their feelings are hurt, it is not long before they find a reason to abandon ship. But if church membership includes being united to a spiritual family – where our joys, trials, and sorrows are mutually shared, then to depart from this family is to potentially place a tear within the body. If our union with our Christian brothers is connected with our union with Christ, then we must do all that we can to maintain that unity.

First, it is unbiblical to leave a church without doing our best to be reconciled to all of her members. Being offended is not a warrant to leave a church – not when the Bible commands us to forgive and, if necessary, follow through with steps of church discipline. Leaving a church upset – without seeking reconciliation – is a sin.

Second, it is unbiblical to leave a church without notice or explanation. Simply dropping out quietly may seem like the easy way out, but this brings a division within the unity of the church. How would you like a close friend to stop talking to you without any explanation? Would this not be hurtful? If it is unkind to drop a friendship without explanation, how much more hurtful is it to walk away form a church – God’s people – without seeking do what you can to maintain Christian fellowship?

If we leave a church without striving to do our best to keep the unity of the Spirit, then we have not followed the command given to us by God. When we can no longer remain a member of church in good conscience, and if we have already sought to humbly resolve our concerns with the leadership of the church to no avail, then it may be permissible to leave, but we should seek to leave in good standing and with the blessing of the church. The biblical reasons for leaving a church is a topic for another article, but suffice to say here, leaving a church should done humbly, slowly, and with much sadness. 

In the end, we must strive to foster and maintain the precious unity that Christ established by His blood.

Psalm 133 – The Blessing of Unity (Teaching Outline)

Note: As with most of the the other outlines I have posted on this blog, this expositional outline was originally used for teaching on a Sunday morning at Immanuel Baptist Church, where I have been blessed to serve as the primary teaching elder for more than twenty years. This outline is yet another sample of the kind of expository teaching to which we Reformed Baptist pastors are committed and about which we are so passionate. If you wish to hear the audio of the teaching from back in 2012, you can listen here.

Introduction: What measures did you take to prepare your heart before you came here this morning to worship the Lord? Did you spend time in prayer about it last night? Did you pray about it when you woke up this morning? Did you perhaps sing or listen to worship songs at home or in the car on the way here? Or did you do nothing in particular? If not, then I encourage you to pay special attention to this morning's teaching, for we will see that David thought it was very important to prepare our hearts as we come together as a community of believers to worship the Lord. It is my hope that we will all learn from him today more about how we ought to come before the Lord in worship.

Notice first of all that this psalm has a title: “A Song of Ascents. Of David.” The Songs of Ascents are made up of Psalms 120-134. These fifteen Psalms were apparently written to be sung by the people of the Lord as they went up to the Temple in Jerusalem to worship. They may therefore be regarded as songs designed to prepare the hearts of the people for worship in the Temple. As we shall see in Psalm 133, this meant that the people were prepared for worship only if they recognized the blessing and importance of doing so as a part of a community of the faithful. With this in mind, let's turn our attention now to verse 1.

NKJ  Psalm 133:1 Behold [הִנֵּה, hinnēh], how good and how pleasant it is for brethren [אָח, āḥ] to dwell together in unity!

Charles Spurgeon comments helpfully on David's call to “behold” the unity of the brethren when he writes:

It is a wonder seldom seen, therefore behold it! It may be seen, for it is the characteristic of real saints, therefore fail not to inspect it! It is well worthy of admiration; pause and gaze upon it! It will charm you into imitation, therefore note it well! God looks on with approval, therefore consider it with attention. (Treasury of David, e-Sword).

I think he has captured well the sense of wonder and excitement David wants us to have as we consider with him the blessing of the brethren who live together before the Lord in unity. But it is important to recognize that, when David speaks of the “brethren” here, he does not have in mind only close family relationships. Rather he has in mind at a minimum all of his fellow Israelites who find their unity in their common commitment to the Law of God. This is in keeping with other Old Testament uses of the Hebrew word for brother or brethren, which also clearly demonstrate such a meaning. For example, let's take a look at just a few instances in the Book of Deuteronomy:

NKJ  Deuteronomy 15:1-3 At the end of every seven years you shall grant a release of debts. 2 And this is the form of the release: Every creditor who has lent anything to his neighbor shall release it; he shall not require it of his neighbor or his brother, because it is called the LORD's release. 3 Of a foreigner you may require it; but you shall give up your claim to what is owed by your brother [אָח, āḥ] ….

Notice that a “brother” here is not just a member of one's immediate family, but anyone who is not a foreigner, even if that person is poor. In other words, a brother is a fellow Israelite, no matter what his social standing. We see the same thing as we look further on in the same passage:

NKJ  Deuteronomy 15:12 If your brother [אָח, āḥ], a Hebrew man, or a Hebrew woman, is sold to you and serves you six years, then in the seventh year you shall let him go free from you.

Again we see that a fellow Israelite is regarded as a “brother” even if he is of inferior social standing, in this case even if he is a slave.

NKJ  Deuteronomy 25:1-3 If there is a dispute between men, and they come to court, that the judges may judge them, and they justify the righteous and condemn the wicked, 2 then it shall be, if the wicked man deserves to be beaten, that the judge will cause him to lie down and be beaten in his presence, according to his guilt, with a certain number of blows. 3 Forty blows he may give him and no more, lest he should exceed this and beat him with many blows above these, and your brother [אָח, āḥ] be humiliated in your sight.

Notice in this case that a fellow Israelite is to be regarded as a “brother” even if he has offended you and deserves to be punished. And because he is your brother you should want to be merciful to him even if you have to inflict punishment upon him.

Thus we have seen that the Old Testament usage of the term brother could refer not just to one's immediate family, but to anyone who is a fellow Israelite. However, I would argue that David's usage of the term here, while similarly broader than simply one's own immediate family, is nevertheless restricted to only some other Israelites, namely those who are like-minded in their commitment to the Lord. For in this context David has in mind all of those who come together to worship the Lord, no matter who they are. He is speaking, then, of the community of the faithful as though they are themselves a family, a spiritual family, if you will.

Remember that this is a “Song of Ascents,” intended to be sung by the faithful who travel to Jerusalem and go up to the Temple to worship. So, when David refers to the “brethren” in verse 1, he means all those who come to worship God together, no matter who they are – no matter what their social or economic standing (Deut. 15:3,12), and no matter whether or not they may have offended you at some point (Deut. 25:3).

But, although David wrote this Psalm to be sung as one ascended up to Jerusalem and to the Temple to worship, and in order to describe the unity of such people, he clearly intends that the unity expressed as they worship together should also be present in the totality of their lives as they “dwell together” – or live together – in the land. Otherwise, they could not sing this song with sincerity when they came to worship. 

David is assuming, then, that sincere worship is reflected in our lives and in the way we treat one another, and he is assuming that sincere worship can only take place when we live together in unity as we should. In this he anticipates Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the Mount, when He said:

NKJ  Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Jesus clearly assumes that we cannot truly worship the Lord if there is a problem in our relationship with a brother, if there is a sin that has not been reconciled. Thus we may see that because of our sins we may often have obstacles to unity.

William Barrick, Professor of Old Testament at The Master’s Seminary, reminds us of the potential obstacles to unity the ancient Israelite believers may themselves have faced as they traveled to Jerusalem to worship:

Pilgrims faced not only the potential disharmony within individual families, but the tensions of getting along with others in competition for the same resources for lodging, food, and water. In addition, there may have been clan rivalries that could disrupt the peace of a pilgrim encampment after days of weary travel. (Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs: The Master Musician’s Melodies, p. 2)

We too experience many obstacles to genuine worship, don't we? For example, we also have to travel to worship the Lord together on Sunday morning, and there may be any number of distractions as we travel, ranging from bad drivers on the road, unexpected delays, cranky children in the back seat, a cold shoulder from a spouse that we should have told we were sorry for something we said or did the night before, the sudden reminder of a problem at work, and so on. 

But despite such obstacles, the Lord would have us remember “how good and how pleasant” it is for us to live together in unity with our spiritual brothers and sisters. This will help to motivate us to put things right with others before we come to worship Him. It will help us to remember that we must not only love God with all our heart, but that we cannot really do so if we do not also love our brother.

However, we might be thinking about how hard this is, and we might be wondering how on earth we could ever come consistently before the Lord with such love and unity between us. Well, David points us to the answer in the next two verses, where he reminds us of the fact that such unity is first and foremost a blessing that comes from God.

NKJ  Psalm 133:2 It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down [יָרַד, yāraḏ] on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down [יָרַד, yāraḏ] on the edge of his garments.

At first we might be wondering what on earth oil running down Aaron's beard has to do with unity, or with how good and pleasant unity is! How can unity be like oil? Well, perhaps we will understand better if we find out a bit more about this oil. For the “precious oil” mentioned here is oil that was especially mixed with spices and was to be used only for the anointing of the priests and the articles of the Tabernacle – and later the Temple. We read about this precious oil in Exodus 30:

NKJ  Exodus 30:22-33 Moreover the LORD spoke to Moses, saying: 23 “Also take for yourself quality spices – five hundred shekels of liquid myrrh, half as much sweet-smelling cinnamon (two hundred and fifty shekels), two hundred and fifty shekels of sweet-smelling cane, 24 five hundred shekels of cassia, according to the shekel of the sanctuary, and a hin of olive oil. 25 And you shall make from these a holy anointing oil, an ointment compounded according to the art of the perfumer. It shall be a holy anointing oil. 26 With it you shall anoint the tabernacle of meeting and the ark of the Testimony; 27 the table and all its utensils, the lampstand and its utensils, and the altar of incense; 28 the altar of burnt offering with all its utensils, and the laver and its base. 29 You shall consecrate them, that they may be most holy; whatever touches them must be holy. 30 And you shall anoint Aaron and his sons, and consecrate them, that they may minister to Me as priests. 31 And you shall speak to the children of Israel, saying: 'This shall be a holy anointing oil to Me throughout your generations. 32 It shall not be poured on man's flesh; nor shall you make any other like it, according to its composition. It is holy, and it shall be holy to you. 33 Whoever compounds any like it, or whoever puts any of it on an outsider, shall be cut off from his people.'” 

So, we see that, in comparing the goodness and pleasantness of unity between believers to the precious anointing oil, David pictures this unity as something that is special, valuable, unique, giving off a sweet aroma – i.e. creating a pleasant atmosphere around us – and, above all, he pictures such unity as something that is holy. This oil signifies that which is precious to God. And the anointing of Aaron with this oil signified God's special blessing upon him.

David also describes this oil as “running down” Aaron's beard and his garments. So, he wishes for us to see our unity not only as a special sign of God's blessing, but as a sign of His blessing poured out in abundance.

NKJ  Psalm 133:3 It is like the dew of Hermon, descending [יָרַד, yāraḏ] upon the mountains of Zion; for there the LORD commanded the blessing -- Life forevermore.

Willem VanGemeren describes the significance of this metaphor when he writes:

Because of the high altitude of Mount Hermon (nearly ten thousand feet above sea level) and the precipitation in the forms of rain, snow, and dew, Mount Hermon was proverbial for its lush greenery even during the summer months … and for its dew that sustained the vegetation. (Expositor's Bible Commentary, Vol.5, p. 817)

David describes the unity of God's people as they live and worship together as though the dew of Hermon had descended upon Zion. He thus pictures God's people living and worshiping together in unity as something that is so refreshing that it is as though God had caused the dew of Hermon to fall upon Jerusalem.

When David says that “there” the LORD commanded the blessing, he perhaps means at Zion, the particular place where God's people came to worship. But it is likely that by “there” he simply means wherever God's people live and worship in unity. Derek Kidner was right on when he wrote:

The second half of verse 3, with its strong accent on God's initiative (commanded) and on what is only His to give (life forevermore), clinches another emphasis of the psalm, which is made by a threefold repetition, partly lost in translation: literally, 'descending' (2a)… 'descending' (2b)…  'descending' (3a). In short, true unity, like all good gifts, is from above; bestowed rather than contrived, a blessing far more than an achievement. (Tyndale Old Testament Commentary, Vol. 14b, p. 453)

By ending with a focus on the ultimate blessing of God – everlasting life – as something experienced in unity with God's people, David emphasizes a very important fact that too many do not understand in the Church, namely that we are not fully experiencing the joy of the life we have from God if we are not experiencing it together! Where there is not real unity among believers, there is lacking also a full expression of the life of the age to come in the here and now!

Paul made essentially the same point when he addressed some issues that could potentially disrupt the unity of the church in Rome:

NKJ  Romans 14:13-19 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way. 14 I know and am convinced by the Lord Jesus that there is nothing unclean of itself; but to him who considers anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. 15 Yet if your brother is grieved because of your food, you are no longer walking in love. Do not destroy with your food the one for whom Christ died. 16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men. 19 Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

Jesus also taught this important truth when He said that our joy would be full in the experience of love toward one another:

NKJ  John 15:9-12 As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love. 10 If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. 11 These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. 12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Conclusion: It is my hope that today we will all commit ourselves more fully and passionately than ever to Christ and to His body, the Church. We must never forget that the Christian faith is about relationships. It is about our relationship first to God, and then to one another, and these two spheres of interpersonal relationships cannot be severed. As the Apostle John reminds us:

NKJ  1 John 4:20-21 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.